I don’t know if I am getting old, or if people are just getting more annoying. Lately I find myself in a snarky mood and thinking unkind thoughts towards people that are more annoying than others. The target of my snark has most recently been directed to people that publicly talk on their cell phones, loud enough so that we can actually join in on the conversation if we felt so inclined. The idea of cell phones is for an individual to be available for important matters, not to share your white trash life or bash your closest friend to your next closest friend for all to hear.
I have to say that personally, I hate to talk on the phone, HATE IT! I am pretty sure that I can do 99.9% of my communications via email or texting; hell even my doctor’s office now sends me a message when my test results are available and all I have to do is log on and check them out. No playing phone tag, no hoping someone has been trained well enough to give me the right results (what do you mean I have herpes, I didn’t even get that test) and no feeling like an idiot after I have been talked down to by the doctor.
Last week I was at the dance studio, I should actually get my own office at this place, as we are there for 4 straight hours on Thursday nights. Personally, I feel for what I am paying in dance fees I should be exempt from having to listen to dance moms on their cell phones. I show up with my Kindle and the strong hope that no-one is going to urgently need me via cell phone. I want to be able to read without hearing someone use their outside voice to discuss a subject like what they think their husband has been doing.
After 30 minutes of the lady pacing back and forth in front of me talking about how other people should mind their business and she doesn’t care what people think I wanted to actually kick her ass and say, “How can we possibly mind our own business when you have monopolized everyone’s time within a 1/4 mile radius with your shit? Please explain and I will stop punching you in the face!” Also, you do care about what other people think because you are talking about it, if you didn’t care you would shut the hell up!
This is also why I despise the nail salon. I want to relax if someone is taking care of me, because honestly I am usually the one wiping asses, washing, lotioning, medicating and doing everything that my kids seem unable to do themselves. What can possibly be so important to discuss in the 45 minutes you are there? And guess what, if you can’t leave your kids without calling and cooing into the phone about how much momma misses you and what a big girl you are then stay the hell home! Nothing interrupts my little getaway like having to listen to someone talk to, or about, their kids when I am clearly there to get away from mine.
For those of you reading this and are now afraid to call me, don’t be. I like you (probably) and I don’t mind a little check-in when you have something important to say or feed me some juicy gossip about my nemesis, June, that I can use to make her life miserable at a later date. Just be sure it is cell phone worthy, or else you might be featured in a later segment of Bliss.