With All Due Respect

One of my favorite movies when I just need a laugh is Talladega Nights, not because I think Will Ferrell is the funniest person on earth, but because of all the overused phrases that they use to show us how ridiculous we sound.  At one point the main character makes a completely unacceptable comment to his boss and when he is told he can’t say that kind of thing to his boss he responds with, “But I said, with all due respect”.  This is one of those comments that even when said, does not give you carte blanche to say whatever you want, however I would like to use this opportunity to have some of the conversations  that have been occurring in my head.

With all due respect, you have no business wearing a bikini in public.  I think it’s great that you “workout” three times a week and consider yourself a runner, but it obviously isn’t enough.  Maybe if you tried coupling it with eating less or perhaps taking some speed to enhance your workouts you would be bikini ready.  I am sure there are places that would be more accepting of your decision to show a bit too much skin and they would welcome you with open arms, just not here.  In the meantime if you could cover yourself up a bit, or a lot, the rest of us would appreciate it.

With all due respect, you are a total bitch.  I realize that you think you are being honest and that everyone enjoys honesty, but try flavoring it with a bit of class.  Referring to the non-white neighbors as “those people” is offensive, even to other white people.  You don’t want “those people” at your holiday party, and guess what, they probably don’t want your drunken ass standing next to any flames at their outdoor barbeque either.

With all due respect, you don’t know everything.  Having an opinion on every subject doesn’t make you an expert, it makes you an asshole.  Rehashing those opinions on Facebook until you tire everyone else out by arguing doesn’t make you right, it makes you the person that we will all avoid in the future.  It’s great that you have beliefs and I commend you for standing up for what you believe in, but don’t tell me that your beliefs are stronger or better than mine, unless you want me as an enemy.

With all due respect, I think your kid is average.  I understand you feel like he might be the next Einstein and that you have the need to tell us he is reading 6 levels above his grade and has been doing trigonometry since he was three, but look at my face, does it look like I give a shit?  Let me also add that when your brilliant child  acts like an idiot and disrupts the other 23 kids in the class, you shouldn’t assume it’s because of his super IQ.  There’s something called parenting and discipline, when your kids comes home 12 days in a row with a bad report from school it’s time to kick their ass, not blame everyone else.  My kid would like to be able to get through her math assignment without your kidding licking  her  pencil or being interrupted by your kid yelling, “wee wee” continuously for attention.

I must say getting all that out of my system made me feel much better and about 10 pounds lighter.  Holding in all that negativity really couldn’t be good for anyone and I urge the rest of you to go on some type of rant.  I should add that my outbursts are not about anyone in particular, but just in case you think it’s about you, please remember I said, “With all due respect”.


2 responses to “With All Due Respect

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