I have come to the conclusion that as much as I like being clean, I am disenchanted with the shower process. It’s not the shower I despise; I love sitting under the hot water scrubbing away the previous day’s filth and smelling, if only for a few moments, like pretty bath wash and flowers. It’s the process after the shower that leaves me feeling drained; the hair, the moisturizer, the make-up, the fluffing, just typing about it exhausts me to no end.
As a child, I was an avid watcher of The Jetsons and my favorite part was when the mom, Jane, would have that giant helmet come down over her head and POOF! she looked beautiful. Now 30 plus years later I am still sitting here waiting for that technology. We can send a man to the moon, we have an “Internet” (still a concept that blows my mind) and we can outsource all our jobs to third world countries (ok that’s just me still being sour three years later), but we can’t supply women with a helmet to do hair and make-up in 30 seconds? I feel screwed and if I were a conspiracy type I would be sure they have the technology and are using it on all the aliens they have captured. Let’s be clear here I am talking about aliens from outer space, not the ones that cross the border.
As soon as I towel off and start “the process” I start negotiating with myself. Well, I really don’t have that much going on today, so do I need to do eye make-up? I will probably just sweat it off anyway. Is blow drying my hair a good idea when global warming is happening? And what about a flat iron, that just seems irresponsible, what if I forget to turn it off and burn the house down? Again, I need to be clear that I am not that worried about things I can’t control or a paranoid person, I am simply looking for excuses not to complete “the process”.
If I have a crazy day where I don’t actually get into the shower until 4 or 5 in the afternoon (which happens a lot in the summer), I negotiate even more. I weigh making dinner against putting on a bra, I contemplate putting on make-up for such a short period of time when I will only have to use make-up remover and water unnecessarily to take it back off, and really who dries their hair all the way when no-one is going to notice?
It’s a sad revelation to realize that I am only 41 (yes I said ONLY) and that as I age my willingness to look my best will be more heavily weighed against my desire to forego the shower process. I am sure there is some mathematical equation that will include the law or diminishing returns in relation to shower divided by year that would tell me at what age I will discontinue giving a shit, however since I have trouble assisting my fourth grader with her math homework, odds are I would never solve that.