I am struggling with that whole, ‘Enjoy every second now because soon they will be grown and you will regret it’. Now I am sure that this is true, but I am so tired of breaking up fights, reminding them to pick up their stuff and just generally requesting that they knock off whatever annoying shit they are doing, that I am missing the good moments. And there are good moments, right?
People, mostly ones whose children are grown, are always telling me to slow down because these days when they are young and needy will go away and you will want those times back. I have to admit that I would like to tell them to shut the hell up or to mind their own business, but I know that deep down it is true. At the same time, there is nothing adorable about waiting until I finally sit down to tell me you want a drink with your dinner, fingerprinting up the table I just took the time to polish for our visitors (true – happened yesterday in front of my friend) or ringing the door bell while I am upstairs folding laundry to ask me if you can have a popsicle. That last one really gets me, it happens about three times a week and they will just sit on the porch and ring that damn thing until I am so angry I come downstairs and open the door screaming.
Just this morning as I am fighting to get them out of bed and into clothes I missed the good moment. I missed it again as I was trying to comb the knots out of my six year olds hair and with every stroke she pulls away and yells, “YOU ARE HURTING ME!!!!” I missed it further when at breakfast I put down two glasses of ice water and child one wanted the glass that child two had so she knocked them both over to try to switch them and then sobbed and almost choked on her waffle.
I have to tell you that I feel that I am really missing a lot of the good moments I hear about. I watch commercials where people tuck their kids into bed with a sweet kiss and turn off the lights and close the door as they walk out and go enjoy the rest of their evening. What effing planet is this happening on? Where is all the, “I don’t want to go to bed”, followed by, “where is my blanket, or stuffed animal or pillow” and “I am cold, I can’t sleep this early, sissy told me there is a monster in-between my bed and the wall”? And turning the light off and shutting the door? I might as well lock them in a trunk. They also forgot to show the kid slipping out of bed five minutes later to show up in mommy and daddy’s room with everything from their bed bundled up in their arms.
We have two days of school left and I am sure that summer vacation will present me with a lot of good moments; time I should be embracing and which should fill me with joy. Maybe if I was on a triple dose of Xanax. What I do imagine is a lot of time spent with me being frustrated and yelling, and my kids crying and reminding me how I suck at parenting. Sure we will have some happy moments and I will cherish those as always, but for me the ratio is about 98 to 2 and I don’t think I need to clarify which is which.
I do want to cherish all these moments and I would really prefer not to have a scowl on my face and have my voice always be at a shout to be understood. I want to hug their small bodies to my chest and keep them there, but I also want them to be able to take a shower by themselves without asking me 10 times to come check if they have gotten out the shampoo, conditioner and body wash (can’t they feel it???). So I am at those crossroads of wanting to keep them small and close and wanting to have my sanity return. For now, I will just have to be happy with my 2% and look forward to preaching to young mothers when my kids are old enough to be missed.