Happiest Place in the World


We just returned from the happiest place on Earth, no we didn’t time travel back to the 60’s we went to Disney World.  It really is its own little world where you never really remember what day it is or know the time, it is like so many of the trips I took to my own Disney – Las Vegas.  This trip was as educational for me as it was exhausting and I feel like I should share some of my new wisdom with you all.

Did you know that the average person doesn’t know how to pack or apply sunscreen?  I have never seen so many bad sunburns in my life, I felt like I was walking around a trailer park in Jacksonville instead of a place where people spend thousands of dollars to walk miles a day and pay $5 for a Coke.  The adults that were dumb enough to get these severe sunburns are one thing, but I get pissed off about the kids.  At one point this little girls cheeks were so sunburned that the non-English speaking life guard said to the dad, “You need sunscreen her face”.  His response was that he thought the mother did.  With what olive oil?  Get off your lazy ass and get something on that kid’s face before you wind up in the ER.  This, of course, coming from the person that used SPF 100 every day and came back as white as I left.

Did you know that adults think that those characters are real?  I can’t tell you the number of times I waited in line with my kids to get a picture taken with some character and watched all these adults get multiple pictures taken of themselves with the characters.  At one point some lady in front of me was in a wheel chair waiting and her significant other left her (probably cuz he thought she was a dumb ass).  So when it’s her turn I grab her wheel chair and push her up the incline and get her settled and then she jumps out and starts dancing around the character and posed for no less than 10 shots.  I have to admit, I did consider throwing her wheel chair into Lake Epcot at that point, but didn’t do it as I was trying to set a good example for my kids.

Did you know that rules do not apply to people that aren’t from the United States?  Here we go from cutting in line to allowing the kids to punch the characters because they think it is funny.  I watched one family allow their kids to climb to the top of the fence, clearly marked, “DO NOT CLIMB”, and then wander over to the lake and wade around in it.  The whole time they are there they are speaking in English, but as soon as they are approached by someone telling them to stop they start speaking in their own language.  Honestly, well played, and if I know more than 4 or 5 words in any language I might have tried it myself.  My own kid looked at me and said, “Mom, is this one of those donde esta moments?”  She is of course referring to my recent trip to Target where some lady’s kids are running around bumping into me and my cart while she yells from three aisles away, “Donde esta?” continuously, but never does anything beyond that.  Once again, well played and I need to take a page out of that book.

Did you know no matter how much money you save to pay for Disney it will never be enough?  Since we were driving, I packed a case of water, bread and peanut butter, and mini boxes of cereal along with all sorts of snacks.  Doesn’t matter you are still good for $100+ bucks a day in food.  I considered throwing out a hat and having my kids mime or dance for money, but if I was approached by the staff the only things I could say in another language are, “donde esta”, “aloha”, “gracias” and “sake”.  Sigh…

Did you know no matter how much you do or buy it will never be enough for the kids?  At the end of each day as we limped back to our rooms, the kids would easily tick off all the things they didn’t get to do that day.  Really you want to bitch about not going to the crappy hotel arcade after we park hopped to two different parks and made time for swimming?

It was a wonderful vacation, and even if it wasn’t I would say it was just to make myself feel better about all the money we spent.  Disney is a magical place, where magical things happen, for a price.  For now I have to get back on my hamster wheel so I can magically greet my credit card statement when it arrives in two weeks.

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