Got An App For That

My husband thinks that Facebook is the most ridiculous use of anyone’s time and swears that as long as he has testicles he will never use it.  I am not glued to it by any means, but as a mom that works from home and doesn’t get out much it gives me a place to air my grievances and keep up with what my “friends” are doing.  I have to admit, it can be addicting, especially when you throw some comment out there with bait and you want to see if anyone is biting, so you log in every 20 minutes or so.  I admit it is distracting and does keep me from things I don’t mind like laundry and exercising.

 

My husband does have a smart phone which he seems to use for anything under the sun.  He has an ‘app’ for everything and feels the need to tell me constantly.  “Did you hear that song, know what it is?  No and I don’t really care.  Well, I just click this app and after a few seconds I can tell you what song it is and who sings it.  Wow how did we live before that?”

 

He also wants to load all these really useful apps onto my phone, you know in case I suddenly needed to locate the Big Dipper or find out how many calories are in the super size Snickers I am shoving in my face.  I don’t need any more shit on my phone, I have so many things on it now that I am constantly calling someone when I am trying to use the GPS and I keep moving my icons to other screens with my oversized earrings and then freaking out when I can’t find my calculator icon. 

 

My husband, always wanting to be helpful, is always trying to add some new app on my phone that will make my life easier.  You know what would make my life easier?  It starts with a nanny, a housecleaner and someone to entertain the kids, you got an app for that?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  That app he downloaded for all my key ring codes has been nothing but a huge pain in my ass, it never works causing me to hold up lines and have to curse at the a-hole behind me bold enough to make mention of it.  I don’t have an ass kicking app, but I am pretty sure this magnum bottle of wine I got in my cart can handle the job! 

 

He is always messing with his phone for everything and apparently is completely unaware of it.  Recently we were out to dinner with the kids and he is checking fantasy football or using one of his apps to tell him what to order or what the best way to drive the 3.3 miles back home is, so I grab my phone and he says, “What are you checking Facebook again?”  First of all, Yes, I am.  Second I use my phone as little as possible and I don’t need smart ass comments when I do.  Of course I give the silent treatment through dinner and he asks three times if anything is wrong.  “Check your phone, don’t you have an app that tells you that you have pissed your wife off and might want to consider sleeping on the couch tonight?”  There’s an app they all need.

 

I know many people will disagree with me and tell me how important these precious apps are and how their convenience and the magic of technology should not be underestimated or unappreciated.  I am sure these people also have apps to deal with their apparent social retardation as well.  I am ok trying to figure things out on my own, as civilization did before smart phones and the Internet.  And guess what…..I have SERVICE all the time in my head and you don’t have an app for that!