I am more than embarrassed to admit that I actually stopped what I was doing today to go shopping to get my daughter’s hamster its own stocking. It is beyond ridiculous to think that an adult, with a life and control of her actions would take the time to do this. What’s worse is that I stopped myself in the store after I realized that I had spent more than five minutes deciding on what color stocking to get the damn thing. I actually sat there and said out loud, “Hmmmm… Blue? Red? Green? Ooh, the purple is nice.” What the hell has happened to me? For those of you wondering, I did go with the purple which matched its cage nicely. Not only did I hang the purple stocking from the table its cage sits on, I selected a purple push pin to match.
I know how this makes me sound and before you start whispering to your neighbors that I have lost it, understand that I have already come to that very conclusion. Going from a career gal to a stay at home mom changes you in ways that you can never explain. It softens you and it clouds your judgment. Did I mention you also may lose the most critical survival technique; COMMON SENSE? What normal person stops what she is doing when she realizes that her kids come home from school in a couple of hours and another day has gone by without a hamster stocking? It doesn’t make sense, it isn’t logical, and it still happens.
It doesn’t stop there, the hamster has become almost like a family member. During the day as I work part-time from my office, which I share with the hamster, I find myself talking to her. Many times I will see her staring at me and I take her out to play so she can stretch her legs. Yes, I said so she can stretch her legs, remember what I said about loss of common sense and try to keep up. When I shower I take her in the bathroom and let her run around and then I report it to my kids after school like I was on some kind of hamster babysitting job. I even let my daughter pretend to have the hamster talk to me and call me grandma, that’s crazy on a whole new level.
The other day my husband finally said something about the fact that I talk to the hamster, and worse ask it questions like, “Do you want a treat? Are you hungry girl? Do you need fresh water?” Asking these questions as if the hamster might actually answer me or wag its tiny stub that looks like a Ken doll penis to tell me she’s happy. He also mentioned that I need to quit paying attention to it because now when he is in the office working the hamster rattles the cage to come out until he throws a stapler at it to make her stop.
I have convinced myself that it is all a part of loving my kids so much and wanting to see their joy. It seems plausible that my children’s happiness could cause me to do ridiculous things. I have to say at this point I am a tad irritated as the rodent has not even woken up to look at the stocking I hung up for her, or the fact that I also rearranged her mini Christmas tree and the one present she has so far. As I finish typing this I am trying to convince myself that my written confession of loving the hamster will humiliate me into stopping this behavior, however I did see a nice carousel that would go great in her cage and I will probably go get it later on. I wonder if they have wrapping paper where the Santa is really a hamster? I am sure I will find out.