Love Thy Hamster


I am more than embarrassed to admit that I actually stopped what I was doing today to go shopping to get my daughter’s hamster its own stocking.  It is beyond ridiculous to think that an adult, with a life and control of her actions would take the time to do this.  What’s worse is that I stopped myself in the store after I realized that I had spent more than five minutes deciding on what color stocking to get the damn thing.  I actually sat there and said out loud, “Hmmmm… Blue?  Red?  Green?  Ooh, the purple is nice.”  What the hell has happened to me?  For those of you wondering, I did go with the purple which matched its cage nicely.  Not only did I hang the purple stocking from the table its cage sits on, I selected a purple push pin to match. 

 

I know how this makes me sound and before you start whispering to your neighbors that I have lost it, understand that I have already come to that very conclusion.  Going from a career gal to a stay at home mom changes you in ways that you can never explain.  It softens you and it clouds your judgment.  Did I mention you also may lose the most critical survival technique; COMMON SENSE?  What normal person stops what she is doing when she realizes that her kids come home from school in a couple of hours and another day has gone by without a hamster stocking?  It doesn’t make sense, it isn’t logical, and it still happens.

 

It doesn’t stop there, the hamster has become almost like a family member.  During the day as I work part-time from my office, which I share with the hamster, I find myself talking to her.  Many times I will see her staring at me and I take her out to play so she can stretch her legs.  Yes, I said so she can stretch her legs, remember what I said about loss of common sense and try to keep up.  When I shower I take her in the bathroom and let her run around and then I report it to my kids after school like I was on some kind of hamster babysitting job.  I even let my daughter pretend to have the hamster talk to me and call me grandma, that’s crazy on a whole new level.

 

The other day my husband finally said something about the fact that I talk to the hamster, and worse ask it questions like, “Do you want a treat?  Are you hungry girl?  Do you need fresh water?”  Asking these questions as if the hamster might actually answer me or wag its tiny stub that looks like a Ken doll penis to tell me she’s happy.  He also mentioned that I need to quit paying attention to it because now when he is in the office working the hamster rattles the cage to come out until he throws a stapler at it to make her stop.

 

I have convinced myself that it is all a part of loving my kids so much and wanting to see their joy.  It seems plausible that my children’s happiness could cause me to do ridiculous things.  I have to say at this point I am a tad irritated as the rodent has not even woken up to look at the stocking I hung up for her, or the fact that I also rearranged her mini Christmas tree and the one present she has so far.  As I finish typing this I am trying to convince myself that my written confession of loving the hamster will humiliate me into stopping this behavior, however I did see a nice carousel that would go great in her cage and I will probably go get it later on.  I wonder if they have wrapping  paper where the Santa is really a hamster?  I am sure I will find out.

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2 responses to “Love Thy Hamster

  • Sandy

    I am much farther gone than you..We have dog stocking, cat stocking, guinea pig stocking, hamster stocking, goldfish stocking…we also had betta fish stocking until the cats ate the fish!

  • Bill

    “wag its tiny stub that looks like a Ken doll penis ”

    That’s just brilliant.

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