Remote Parenting


By all means, please let your toddler run around Starbucks at 8:00AM while sitting on your ass doing nothing. What is with people? The smug mother sitting there with a cup of coffee and chatting with her friend, acting as if it is perfectly acceptable to have your kid bumping into people and knocking shit over. Oh, isn’t she so cute??? The only person who thinks she is cute right now is you, get up and grab your kid and strap them into the stroller that you brought in that is taking up half the aisle. I am serious, why do you bother to take your kid in public if you are not going to watch them? It is not my job, it is not the people working behind the counters job and apparently for the clueless parent, not their job.

Yesterday I was at Costco and saw a lady with seven kids, yes I said 7, aged kind of tall to infant. I have no idea how old they are, as height has become a false indicator for me. This family, or small tour group, monopolized complete aisles at a time and mom was actually stopping to read labels while her brood ran around. Who reads labels when they are shopping with their kids? I am pretty sure there is some kind of law against that and feel you should have to check out special glasses that allow you to read the labels only after you have proven you have no children with you. After the third time they bounced into my cart I wanted to say, “They do have the bulk condoms up in the health and beauty section, you should really go get yourself a case or twelve!” Don’t give me the Catholic excuse either, take my word for it God does not want you at Costco anymore than I do right now.

Don’t get me wrong, my kids are far from perfect and I feel that my acknowledging that fact gives me the right to criticize those that don’t. If you see me in public with my kids, you will most likely here me raising my voice, repeating something several times or pulling my kids apart. The fact that I do this means that I care about you and I don’t want my kids annoying you. I wish I could be that parent that just lets their kids run around and pretends that they are with someone else, how easy life would be if I didn’t have to constantly remind my kids how to act or scream at them when they are misbehaving.

At this point you are probably reading this and thinking, “Geez what has gotten into her?” Well, I am glad you asked. It has been a long week and I am trying to figure out why I wanted to get back to working. I mean besides the whole money part, what benefit is there? In addition to working both of my part-time jobs I volunteered to take a large part in our school’s fall festival for the next two days and by doing this forfeited my opportunities to relax and have happy hours. I am not sure what the true definition of volunteer is, but I am guessing it is something like, ‘Person who knowingly, with or without coercion, gives up time that they really don’t want to, but felt it was expected and concedes to be kept in good favor’.

Speaking of work and volunteering, I have to go do some of that now, not because I want to but because I have to. I am really hoping that some of the volunteers didn’t understand the message about leaving their kids at home for the festival set-up and bring them along so they can tear stuff down once we get it set up just the way we want it. In any case, it should make for a good blog next week. Do me a huge favor and enjoy your weekend for me, if you do anything awesome let me know so I can pretend it was me.

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