Today I witnessed three people standing next to their cars with their doors swung all the way open in cramped places, ignorant to any and all people trying to get around them. All three incidences occurred within five minutes and all pissed me off immensely. The first was in the middle of a residential road where cars are already parked on each side on the road, making it difficult for more than one car to get by at a time, this lady leaves her door all the way open while she goes up to get something she forgot and I have to stop and wait for her to come back and close the door so I can pass. The next two were in a parking lot and were so inconsiderate that I seriously thought about taking their door off with the front end of my mini-van. This was when I realized I must have missed the memo declaring that today is official “Asshole Day”!
One of the offenders actually had her door open while she stood and yelled at her toddler to come back to the car as she watched her run across the parking lot. That gets the combo award “Giant a-hole /Shitty Parent”. All these crazy idiots pulling in this busy parking lot have not had their caffeine yet, by all means stand there staring and screaming at your kid instead of going after her. If that is too much for your lazy ass, how about at least shutting the door while you stand there so I can have that spot?
The third offender was blocking the best spot in the lot as he coaxed a girl he was flirting with over to his car and had her stand with the door open so he could write down her number. Someone had pulled half way into the spot and gave the universal hand gesture for ‘Move Your Ass’ and the girl moved toward the guy pulling the door with her however the car still could not pull in and they just pretended it was the driver’s fault, not theirs. Look slutty girl, I realize it’s Friday and everyone would like to get laid, however it is 7:50AM not happy hour. Starbucks is a ‘Pick me up’ joint not a ‘Pick Up’ joint, take your desperate ass over to the 7-11 lot and I am sure you can get as many numbers as you need!
It didn’t stop there, I go into Starbucks to get my coffee where the line is super long and I am listening to these people give their long, detailed orders to the Barristas. Whatever happened to ordering off the menu? One lady actually gave her order and then added, “Please make sure it is exactly 140 degrees”. I am not effing kidding, this really happened and I mentally gave her the “Biggest Asshole Award”. George Carlin once said that you can tell how much of an asshole someone is based on how complex their order is at Starbucks, isn’t that the truth?
Obviously it has been a long week and with my dear friend, menstrual cycle, coming for an extended visit I am past my patience allowance for the month. These people I describe above may be normal everyday people, heck maybe one of them was you, but today I just couldn’t deal with them. I wouldn’t feel right without giving out some honorable mentions to the other a-holes:
• Drivers with cell phones
• Cashier’s that ask for my ID
• Anyone driving a gold Honda
• Bitches with perfect kids
• All people working the drive-thru at McDonalds
That’s not the whole list but I have to go pick up my kids from school now, as I don’t want to be one of those a-holes that are late getting their kids. Have a great weekend, bliss you next week!