Something To Bitch About


We are five weeks into school and I am already tired of homework. I am also tired of having to get my 6 and 8 year old up at 6:30AM and fight with them to be out the door on time. I am exhausted by 3:00PM just in time to start homework. All this creativity and brainstorming is just too much, how about some nice worksheets? I can do math, well for the most part, and I do own a calculator for those days I am feeling a bit cloudy. Yesterday my oldest daughter tells me that she has a story we need to read and answer the questions together, AND I have to sign off to say I really did it. I can tell you I had some really good answers running through my head, all of which would have resulted in my meeting with the school board or my daughter getting expelled, but they were good ones!

I feel as if homework is delivered to punish me for the teachers having to deal with my kids 7 hours a day. I can’t really blame them, I mean we send them our germ infested kids to hang on their legs and wipe glue on their fancy blouses and sneeze into their faces. It is a lot to ask of anybody, I know I am not up for it myself. Last year my daughter’s teacher got lice from the kids, I have to say I would have probably assigned the kids to re-write the encyclopedia at home if that had happened to me.

The school is full of sick or about to be sick kids. I love when they come to the office when I am volunteering and tell me they are not feeling good, right before they sneeze in my face. “I don’t feel very good….AAAAAA-choo”. For me anything less than a radiation cleansing is ineffective in getting those germs off. Is the spittle really necessary? Good Lord….I don’t have that much saliva in my mouth, how do they get it out in one sneeze? We also have the kids that come down with their teeth hanging by a thread. They sit there and wiggle it in front of you and tell you how loose it is but they can’t seem to yank it out. I am thrilled by the prospect of blood and mouth bacteria, please come closer and see if you can spit it in any bodily opening that I have.

As a volunteer, I don’t feel the need to be as attentive as the paid school nurse, “Here is a piece of dirty string, however it is still cleaner than the disgusting hand you have been putting in your mouth every 12 seconds to see if your tooth is still loose. Tie this around your tooth and put the other end around that door over there and give it a good slam. I will be happy to slam it for you, but I am going to ask you to turn your back to me and step into this plastic bubble so I don’t get your disgusting germs all over me when the tooth comes flying out in my direction”.

Once again I see I have digressed, back to despising homework. Why is it that first grade homework is more confusing that 12th grade trig? Rainbow writing? Why is it called rainbow writing when you only use red and black? Shouldn’t it be called something that makes more sense? How about these ridiculous word triangles we have to do? First of all, it does not take the shape of a triangle, it looks a lot more like a set of steps or a lopsided pyramid. Why do I have to think this hard, can’t I just have them write the words three times each and call it a day? And when in our lives are we going to have a job where we have to decipher between short and long vowels and oddball words? I have to be honest, most days I have to sit there and repeat the word about 5 times before I realize what category to put it in.

We all want our kids to be smart and successful and we want the option to brag about them when someone else starts going on about their perfect kids. “Well, you think Jimmy is a good speller, you should see my kid turn the word ‘Man’ into a set of stairs!” I have to assume there is some value in these tedious tasks that annoy the crap out of me, hopefully someday I will get it.

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