When I Grow Up…

Did I ever tell you guys that I always wanted to be a stand-up comic?  I thought that would be the best job ever, you get to tell funny stories AND you get paid for it.  And let’s face it, I am freaking funny!  I settled on this after I considered the normal list of jobs you go through as a child; Veterinarian, FBI Agent, Minnie Mouse, Stripper.  All good professions, some paying more than others, some more glitzy than others, and of course I wound up doing something that nobody really dreams of: Middle Management!  Although now, I am not even doing that, I am writing a blog which is almost like being a stand-up comic; less the money, fame and success.


My 8 year old daughter has three jobs she really wants to pursue.  Number one is doctor, number two is super model/clothing designer and number three is cashier.  Lately she has started to think more about her future and has been asking my opinion on which of the three jobs she should do when she grows up.  This is the point when the good parent says sweetly, “Whatever makes you the happiest”.  That is , however, not what I said.  My response was more of, “Work hard and try to get into med school, if that doesn’t work out, you are pretty and may have a shot at being a model.  The cashier idea sucks and I mean really sucks!  I would much rather you marry for money then spend your time handing out change to the unwashed.”  It seems harsh, I know, but how is she going to afford to buy me my private island on a cashier’s salary?


My 6 year old is all about animals; her future hopeful careers include Veterinarian, dog walker or cashier at Pet Smart.  What is it with the cashier idea?  Is someone planting this in my kid’s heads so their kid has a better shot at the high paying careers?  I can only picture a mom (most likely June) coming in as mystery reader and when the teacher leaves her alone with the kids she puts down the book and hands out brochures on the ‘Art of Cashiering’ to everyone except her own child who gets a Tootsie Pop and a brochure from Johns Hopkins.


I am constantly stressing the importance of education and my children have a firm belief that college is not optional, rather something you move on to after high school.  Even if my kids both wind up becoming cashiers (Lord help me), I want them to be over-educated cashiers!  Mommy and daddy went to college, and even though we both spent enough time there to become doctors and only wound up with Bachelor’s Degrees, we still did it.  Mommy even went back and got her Master’s which she is making a great use of by sitting on her ass writing this blog!  Ok, maybe I won’t use mommy and daddy as the prime example of finishing college.


It is stressful thinking about their futures and what they will become.  It is strange to want so much more for your own children than you ever wanted for yourself.  I guess that’s what having kids does to you; takes away the selfish, self-centered people we may have been and make us put their needs first.  I am ok with that, but I still want the private island and a cabana boy.


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