I did not have the best of mornings. My youngest was in a mood from the second she opened her eyes giving her the ability to change a good morning into a trying morning. I couldn’t do anything right and when she would protest I would raise my voice and she would cry. It started with the outfit I laid out for her which she told me was ‘not pretty’ to the breakfast she asked for and then when I made it she told me that for some reason today it tasted horrible. Let me add that the outfit that I laid out for her is an outfit that she demanded I buy her for school only after she knew I thought it wasn’t cute. That statement gave her the fuel she needed to create an argument in the middle of Naarjtie which resulted in my purchasing the outfit just to get her out of the store.
We walked to school and somehow I picked up an additional two kids this morning, which means I am now walking six kids. I honestly don’t mind, but I would rather the parent ask me if it is ok instead of seeing me walk by and telling her kids to, “Hurry up and join them so I don’t have to take you”. My youngest tells me how cold she is, how bad her legs hurt and how she will most likely be late for school because of me. This lasts the entire 25 minute walk and by the time I walk her into school and drop her off to a fifth grader to take her to class I am shaking.
I decide to walk another two miles up to the Starbucks in our sub, thinking it will burn off some of my stress and bitchiness. I can also reward myself with a fancy $5 cup of coffee for both exercising and restraining myself from screaming at my kid in front of witnesses. It’s funny how things look before and after you have your caffeine; the sun isn’t so bright, the grass isn’t so green and the people I have to share the sidewalk with irritate the shit out of me. I will see someone walking toward me and I think I will just look down or off to the side so I don’t have to say anything to them and then as they get close I look up and shit I have to say something now. I don’t appreciate small talk, to me it’s like foreplay is to a guy, I just don’t want to bother with it. So now that I have made eye contact I have to think of something to say, so I mutter out a ‘mornin’ and think to myself I am so not saying anything to the next person. But then the next person walking towards me has a stroller as wide as the sidewalk and I have to look up so I don’t run into her kids and I wind up saying something meaningless to her too.
I also am in full judgment mode on my walk. I see a couple of piles of dog crap and I think of what I want to say to the lazy ass that HAD to have a dog, but can’t be bothered to clean up its shit. I then notice the people on Center Street are too freaking lazy to put their garbage in their cans and push them to the street so they just throw their bags of junk close to the road and leave it. One person dumped it right on the sidewalk where I had to step over it, if I wasn’t such a freak about germs I would have picked it up and put it on their porch. Here you go, I hope you trip over your shit that you left with no respect for the rest of us. A bit further up there is a row of townhouses that have a giant field between their porches and the road, the person responsible for delivering a newspaper to one of these people has left it at the farthest point from the porches without actually leaving it in the road. This leads me to believe that either someone is a shitty tipper or has done something to alienate the paper delivery person. I also have an evil thought about the lady walking a dog that is so ugly its head could be confused with its ass, if it hadn’t barked I wouldn’t have known which was which.
I finally make it to Starbucks and get my overpriced, over-caloried drink and start towards home. As I indulge in the sugary, carmel, caffeine filled drink I become happy and optimistic. Things suddenly seem brighter and I feel like doing chores when I get home. I think about my kids and how much I love them and think maybe I was a bit hard on number two this morning.
I have a skip in my step and I now see the dog from earlier and think to myself that it is ugly-cute and understand why the lady wants to show her off. The trash on the sidewalk doesn’t even slow me down and I make full eye contact with every passerby and give them an enthusiastic, “GOOD MORNING”! They look at me, give me a slight nod and think to themselves, “What’s that bitch got to be so perky about this morning?”