One Foot, Two Foot, Green Foot, Blue Foot

I have read a lot of Dr. Suess books to my kids, however I wasn’t prepared to be writing my own on a Sunday.  I don’t know how this stuff happens, Sunday is our day of relaxation and instead of doing that we wind up steam cleaning carpets.  It started out simple enough, my husband and I went to fold up the tent we used two weekends ago that had been sitting in a giant clump in my living room since we returned.  As we tried to make a 10 x 20 tent into the size of a Barbie blanket to get it back into the tiny bag it came from in the 90 degree heat and severe humidity, my oldest child came running out with tears running down her face.  “Mom, I have had a really bad accident and I need your help.”  My hearts starts thumping and I am thinking about her younger sister in the house and trying to figure out what has happened.  She takes off her shoes and shows me the bottom of her feet which are green with some spots of blue and says, “It is really bad, you better come inside.”  SHIT!!!!!


She tells me it is worse in the basement, which is an understatement.  It’s like she tap danced barefoot from one end of the basement to the other.  At some point she claims she sent her sister up to get her shoes for her, but from the looks of things it was after she made sure all the wet paint was rubbed into the carpet.  I go into the bathroom where ‘she tried to clean up’, and it is like a murder scene.  Apparently she tried washing her feet with wet toilet paper which is now stuck all over the floor and counter top along with bright green streaks.


So, what happened?  Well it’s a funny story, the kids had been playing with their glow sand and had all the lights in the basement turned off to see how it turned out.  My daughter somehow got her foot wet (???) and stepped onto a painted picture (?????) and before she realized it there was paint everywhere.  Have you ever read the book, ‘Shit My Kids Ruined’?  Well you probably should, in fact Dr. Suess could have made his own version and would have sold billions.  ‘My house is green and we know why, the kids stepped in paint and danced on carpets til their feet were dry’.  Ok, that is a pretty bad version of Suess, but you get my point!


As usual in any situation like this, my husband and I lose our minds and meltdown.  Once I scrubbed her feet clean, the kids are instructed to pick up everything that belongs to them and have it put away.  As I work on the bathroom, my husband gets out the steam cleaner and starts spot treating the floor.  I look at my pale blue bathmat and shake my head, I think this may be the end my friend.  I finally get the paint out of the bathtub, the floor and the sink and I carry the towels and bathmat upstairs for washing.  After the second washing of the bathmat, which I pretreated, my daughter walked in and said, “Oh there is still paint on it, I guess you forgot to use OxiClean.”  The restraint I showed at that point should ensure me a spot in Heaven.


Last night as we were all sitting around together, my husband made a comment about one of the kids making another huge mess and my daughter said, “I really wish you would stop talking about that, it happened so long ago.”  I guess in her world it did, since then she had played with friends, ate lunch and dinner and picked three fights with her sister.  I try to turn every situation into a learning experience and from this lesson I understand that nothing ever makes sense.  In fact, as Dr. Suess would have said, “My mind is numb, I feel dumb, my kids make a big mess to cause me stress; there is no reason for their deeds, they do it and I cannot leave.”  Alright, once again a poor attempt at Suess, but keep in mind how many brain cells I have lost since I gave birth.


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