Heat Rage

Today I took my weekly trip to Costco, something I don’t usually look forward to, but must do out of necessity.  Since it is summer that means I am now toting my 5 and newly 8 year old with me.  During the school year, I could get my daughter off on her bus to kindergarten and make a mad dash to Costco, grab everything I needed, including a hot slice of pizza on my way out, and get home to have everything hauled in the house and put away before going to pick the kids up from school.


Why is today different?  Well, let’s start with the temp, it is 99 degrees and the humidity is like 1,000.  I am sure some meteorologist or person that knows the exact degree is going to disagree with me on this fact, however make yourself known and I will ship you the bra that I wore all day today.  Cram that in your smart ass.  The heat makes me pissy on a level I cannot even explain.  I actually feel moisture fleeing from my body as I open my front door, I really can’t imagine how people survive in the desert.  Intense heat, sand for 10,000 miles and no water, who would ever think, ‘Hey, my ideal place to live is where most people can’t exist for longer than 48 hours”.


Once I got past the heat and had the air conditioner blowing into my face, I got on my way.  Well, I tried to get on my way, but came to a complete halt after I pulled onto Route 50.  Northern Virginia traffic sucks at best, but you get some construction, a minor accident or glare from the sun and you might as well park it and walk to your destination.  As soon as I turned onto 50 I went about 20 feet and stopped.  I saw a construction sign and noticed we were supposed to merge into the left lane.  What I couldn’t see was that some dumb ass in a gravel hauler decided to merge left at the last minute and caused a decent size accident about a mile ahead of us.  No one can move in any direction and two police cars think the best way for them to get to the accident is to sit in the traffic with us and blare their horns.  Believe me, if we could move we would, don’t you guys have scanners or some kind of device that tells you that you can’t drive over top vehicles?  For 25 minutes I sat in the same spot with the sun glaring into my side window and the kids asking me if we were still in traffic.  Really?????   Please take a look out the windshield and take note of what is around us, cause I am pretty sure that it will be the same scene ten minutes from now.  Are we still stuck in traffic?  I almost got out of the car then and walked.


I finally get far enough over where I can make a u-turn and start heading in the wrong direction.  Neither kid misses this, they don’t know that we are stuck in traffic but they sure as hell know I am going the wrong way.  After they have pointed that out they both start asking me if I am speeding and then tell me they are so starving from waiting in that traffic that I need to get them Wendy’s, which is exactly where the gravel hauler is stuck.


We make it to Costco eventually and we even get a half way decent parking spot.  I realize with the amount of stuff I need to get for our camping trip I am going to need a flatbed.  I was able to find all I need and the flatbed is so full I am struggling to push it, somehow the kids get onto the middle of it between the case of beer and Capri sun and I am too tired to even argue with them to get off.  I get the usual glares and shakes of the head from several other customers that think I am trashy for letting my kids ride on the cart sitting on top of the beer.  Hey, at least its premium stuff, I don’t have my kids sitting on a case of PBR or Milwaukee’s Best.


I make it through check outs and the guy at the door that makes sure you aren’t stealing the stuff you just paid for.  I finally reach the car and get the kids inside with the air going.  I pop open the back of my van only to realize all the shit that we packed for the concert last week was still in there.  Now, I have to take the back end of the car pretty much apart so I can put the seats down, move all that stuff toward the front and pile all the Costco crap in.  I was thrilled to have my kids complaining that I should hurry up because they were getting too hot with the back open.  Meanwhile I have the lawn chairs, battery cables and pool toys laying on the pavement while I try to release the seats.  The people that thought I looked trashy with my kids on the flatbed should see me now.


And now I am home and I have everything unloaded and put away (kind of) and have chosen my tiny bit of free time to relive those painful moments by blogging about them.  Now I am off to pack for our family camping trip and attempt to mentally prepare for all the challenges that come with family time in a tent.


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