Swim Away

My kids were involved in their second swim meet last night and I signed up to be a timer.  It’s a long time to just sit around when both your kids swim for a combined total of 3 minutes during the 2.5 hours you are forced to sit there.  I figured being a timer would at least keep me busy and stop me from judging too many people that think their child is going to be the next Michael Phelps.  Even being constantly busy with a timer I had plenty of time to get bumped around and have parents screaming into my ears.  Let me say, I cheer for my kids and I hope they do well, but this is a group consisting of kids 8 and under, chill the hell out!!


I need to preface this for my readers that do not live in the northern Virginia area by telling them that every activity or sport here is played like it is for the gold and it’s really not about the kids.  Bloodshed is the norm.  Parents that have missed out on their goals as a youth, live vicariously through their children and with a vengeance.  It frightens me at many levels, mostly because I am certain my kids have my clumsy, non-athletic genes.


Let me begin by saying that it was 100 degrees here yesterday with a heat index of hell.  Even at 5:30PM when it started we were all melting.  I decided by noon it would be a non-bra event and I opted for my workout tank top and am thankful I still have the chest of a 10 year old girl.  Let me throw in that the theme of the evening was ‘Red Carpet’ and all the kids were supposed to dress up as their favorite whatever.  There is a reason Halloween is in October, it’s not 100 degrees and the kids don’t have heat stroke when they put their costumes on.  I have to wonder is the school PTA behind this because it sure the heck seems like one of those dumbass ideas they come up with.


As usual, nothing is running on time and the heat is pissing everyone off that much more.  I wanted nothing more than to jump in that cool water with a giant water gun with a stun button and spray all the people irritating me.  They finally get organized and start lining the kids up and the parents start lining up behind the timers to cheer for their kids.  They have actually had to install a rope line the parents are not allowed to cross when cheering because more than one timer has been shoved into the pool by an overexcited parent.  Someone comes around to ask if I want a drink and hands me an 8 ounce bottle of water.  I’m sorry, didn’t you say drink?  Go get me an ice cold Mich Ultra or a frozen margarita – STAT!  If I am going to stand here in this heat and have to put up with all these sports crazed parents the least they can do is budget in some alcohol!


I cheer for everyone; my kids, your kids, the parents that fall and get hurt when they have gone overboard with screaming and jumping around for their kid.  I want there to be a winner because I want my kids to learn that lesson early in life, however I clap for every last swimmer as they reach out to touch that wall.  When they emerge I tell them how great they did because they tried.  Behind me parents are yanking at our hair and shirts to get us to show them the time their kid finished.  Is it that important to you?  Are you this concerned with their happiness or self esteem?


Last night a crack of thunder caused the meet to end abruptly.  I am ok with that, I would prefer my kids not get electrocuted and be on the safe side, I am crazy like that.  Many of the parents moaned and wanted to argue that fact, as there were about seven boys that didn’t get to swim their second lap and how will they ever know their time and how they placed against the neighbors?  They finally announced a 30 minute delay to wait and see.  Not me, you don’t have to tell me more than once, we are going home and don’t you worry about letting me know if you decide to swim again in 30 minutes.  In that time I will have my kids bathed, fed and maybe even get 2 minutes to talk to my husband.


I just realized what’s on today’s agenda and how much time I have been blogging.  Time to get off the computer, into the shower and grab today by it’s you know what.


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