Exit Stage Now

Tomorrow, tomorrow , I can’t wait for tomorrow so I don’t have to go to all these acting rehearsals anymore.  Seriously, time for a break, I am ready for all this stuff to be over so I can get to summer and be on MY schedule.  Even with swim practice, I feel like getting done with the Annie show tomorrow is the end of this long year of having to be somewhere constantly.   I am excited to watch it, the acting class worked very hard these past ten months to get to this point and it will be exciting to see the finished product.  I sincerely hope it is better than the rehearsals I have been forced to sit through these past three weeks.


I understand stage fright and jitters and all that shit, what I don’t understand is how you can’t recall any of your lines at all and then when the acting teacher asks you about it you start sobbing and have to walk out.  Especially when you are a 12 year old BOY!  The poor kids that do know their lines are stuck because when you are one of the main characters their next line is dependent on you saying yours so they don’t look like an idiot talking to themselves.  Oh, by the way how do you get a main character part when you can’t pull it off?  My kid has several small parts and it is perfect for her age and experience.  She knew she wouldn’t be Annie or Miss Hannigan and she was fine with it, it gives her something to try for in the future.


I can’t wait to be surrounded by the “stage moms”, which are my equivalent to the Junes of the world.  They will stand around, pointing to their kids, blocking off two rows of seats for the friends and relatives that they have coerced into coming and talking loudly enough for everyone in the school gym to hear.  Did you get that, school gym?  We are not at the THEATRE (said in a snooty accent) we are sitting in metal chairs underneath basketball hoops and next to the giant blue mats that still smell of sweat.  This is not a professional rendition of Annie, it is our kids performing the reader’s digest version and doing their very best to pull it off.  We will all be proud, but some of us will smile inside and some of us will be squacking to the two rows of seats, “Listen -Johnny is going to say something next”.


I am seriously thinking about bringing our remote control fart machine (yes, we really have one) and placing it under that bitches seat.  Every time it gets silent I will press the button and have it sound like she can’t control her rectum.  Nothing shuts you up quicker than having people think it was you, especially when it is June.


I really am excited and thrilled to see the show, they are kids and it will be fun to watch no matter what happens.  For the first time I don’t have to sit through a three hour recital to watch my kids dance for 2.5 minutes while being forced to sit through solos of 25 girls I don’t know.  We just have to get through the next 48 hours and then we can declare summer officially started.


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