I have too damn much to do this week. Not only is it the last week of school, swim team started yesterday and my daughter’s performance of Annie is this weekend. We also have to squeeze in Tae Kwon Do, end of the year parties and I need to get the house cleaned before my parents come this weekend. The thing I despise about cleaning the house is that it never lasts more than a day or two. I don’t mind putting all sorts of effort into something that I can check off my list as completed, but spending hours sweating , only to have to repeat it later in the week seems to go against all common sense and logic.
I just spent an hour in the basement, as that is where my parents will be sleeping. I cannot even begin to explain the amount of crap I picked up off the floor just so I can go vacuum. There were pretzel sticks, sunflower seeds, Nerds, tiny pieces of paper everywhere (WTF?), broken crayons, sequins, chip and cookie crumbs and many things I couldn’t even identify. As I type this list of shit, I can feel my fingers banging out my aggression on the keys. Let me add to the list the 19,000 pieces of full paper with things like, “HI”, “BFF” and “S’up” written on them and left all over the place. Next time one of my kids gives me crap about recycling and helping out the Earth, I am going to point out the 30 trees they killed to put one word on a piece of paper. The dust is my fault, the basement is out of sight, out of mind so I don’t dust regularly and it shows. I don’t think I actually dusted down there since my parent’s last visit in October and the furniture actually looked two inches taller before I wiped the dust away.
Next I move to the kid’s bathroom. Actually I am not sure it is a kid’s bathroom, it looks more like an overused men’s room in West Virginia. You’re girls, you sit on a toilet seat, how is there so much pee on the floor??? Where there is not pee, there is toothpaste and lots of it. I cannot even begin to imagine how the toothpaste got under the toilet seat and I think for my well-being I need to just block it out. There are also dirty footprints, which I discovered is from when they get into the shower, then decide they really needed to go to the bathroom and jump back out to go. Yesterday when Orkin was here to spray for the ants I found, the tech asked if it I thought the ants were in the kid’s bathroom and I wanted to tell him that I think even insects are too scared to go in there.
I also need to clean the kid’s bedroom and I really don’t even know what color their carpet is anymore. I have a vague recollection of it being some type of beige, but since I can’t see any of it it’s tough to verify. I take great pleasure in cleaning up their room because I take a garbage bag with me and anything I consider unnecessary goes into the bag. This includes Happy Meal toys, treasure box trinkets, all the shit they come home with from birthday party goodie bags and any type of candy. Parents: in the future do yourself a favor and keep the $200 you spend in My Little Pony and Spider Man plastic crap, no-one wants it and I would personally prefer you give me $10 to stick in my kid’s college fund. As soon as my kids turn their backs I throw it all away and then blame the other sister. If I was into keeping stuff I would save it until next year’s birthday party and give it back to your kid.
As I sit here typing this, I do feel better, but I realize how much I need to go do. My youngest just called me into the bathroom for “assistance” and I actually stepped in toothpaste and have it stuck to the bottom of my foot. Time to get off the computer and resume my job as janitor.