Yesterday as I am running around trying to get child two and myself ready and out the door my doorbell starts ringing. I answer it to find my friend dancing around on the porch. Now I am known to host my share of happy hours, but really before 11AM on a weekday? Not until school is out anyway. So my friend tells me she just tripped over a large hose while dog walking, only it’s not a hose it’s the biggest black snake she has ever seen and it is in my front bushes. So I gingerly walk down the steps and start peeking around the bushes from a safe distance of about 7 feet. I can’t see a darn thing, but I know (pretty sure at least) my friend hasn’t been drinking this early and it must be in there somewhere.
Here is my concern; I don’t mind nature and snakes and such, but I don’t want to be surprised. I don’t want to be out watering the plants and have it roll across my foot or show up out back on the patio when I am grilling dinner. I don’t even want to open the garage door because I am sure it is just waiting to slither in to cool itself on the cement and when I am taking the garbage out late at night it will be there to get me. Ok, my imagination does get the best of me, but still I want to know where the snake is hiding so I can chase it back towards the woods, or at the very least towards June’s house.
My second concern is that child two is out hunting for it and has asked if we can go get a “snake cage” for when she does catch it. This is a double edged sword because if she does happen to catch it and there is no snake cage, where is she going to put it? There goes my imagination again, I will be getting her clothes out of the dresser and come out with the snake instead of her socks. I have made it clear that “snakey” will eat her beloved hamster and I am hoping that is enough of a deterrence for now.
I have a past with snakes and it is not a pleasant one, if you read Snake Charmer a couple of weeks ago then you know what I am talking about. My husband without any investigating at all tells me that the snake has already moved on and I am being paranoid. Prove it! I looked in the bushes right after it slithered in and couldn’t see it, how do we know it has indeed moved on? According to my friend it is the size of an Anaconda and I don’t think she would exaggerate. I think my husband is under reacting to the situation and may have to set out to confirm that the snake is still here.
So I have been out snake hunting with an umbrella and other pointy objects and have so far been unsuccessful. I feel as if I am qualified to do this, as I watched both Python Chasers and Swamp Brothers last night and am certain I can be as successful as those guys. If you hear me scream, run to help me out or give me some moral support (bring booze). If you hear June scream, give me a call so I know my plan worked.