Ah, summer is here. Glorious summer, a wonderful time to be spent with our children, enjoying the outdoors and hanging out at the pool. The feel of the warm sun hitting your body and the splash of the cool water like a fine mist, allowing you to relax and smile as you watch the children run about. Oh my, someone must have slipped some Bailey’s into my coffee this morning and caused me to drift off, as that is not how summer is really spent. Next thing you know I will be speaking of how perfect my kids are and how I might look good in a bikini.
Speaking of which, who do I need to stalk to get a law enacted about proper swimwear and size limits for bathing suits. I am sorry, but if you are in the plus category, bikinis should be outlawed. Do you know how many people I saw this weekend at the pool that should have had on a cover-up, even in the pool? Too damn many. And guys seriously, if you can’t shave that ape off your back, keep a shirt on! I actually saw a woman that made her bikini bottom into a make shift thong and I am pretty sure it was on purpose. Look, we all want to enjoy the pool, but some of us are in the category that we need to rethink what we wore in our teens and EARLY twenties. I am in that category, I don’t own a bikini and most of my bottoms have the skirt attached – Your Welcome!
Back to relaxing, there is nothing relaxing about going to the pool with the kids. The adventure starts before we even leave home. My oldest has a habit of coming downstairs ready to go with a skirt and no matching bottom. I caught her running through the sprinklers that way one day and I am thankful it was in the backyard. The skirt is like an accessory, the bottom is mandatory. Then it is time to spray the sunscreen onto them before we get to the pool. For some reason the act of spraying sunscreen on my kids causes them to jump and run from me. So I wind up chasing them across the yard as I am spraying the sunscreen, this always ends with them turning towards me and getting sprayed right in the eyes – every time! I have started holding the top of their heads while I spray to keep them in place. I seriously go through a bottle of that stuff every time and my grass and flowers have most of the SPF protection.
Then we pack up the car as if we are going on vacation. We have the beach bag, the water toy bag, the cooler, the noodles and all the other crap they can find. Getting to the pool is the easy part, it’s the carrying the stuff into the pool that is work. I have so much stuff to load onto my shoulders that I count it as a workout. God forbid I forget to get the pool cards out before I get to the desk, because then I have to set everything down and dig for them and then reload again. I am actually considering getting a shopping cart to carry it all like a homeless person. The kids are super helpful, my five year old says, “Mommy I’ll help you” and grabs a pair of goggles out of the bag to carry. Are you kidding me?
Yesterday we get to the pool and unload. We get in the water for about 10 minutes and the whistles start blowing. This means one of two things; either it’s break time or someone left a deuce in the pool. Guess which one it was? It’s 95 degrees out and someone could not make it to the bathroom, which means the pool now has to be shut down for at least two hours while they “investigate” and filter it through. Now we have to pack everything back up and try to get to one of the other pools before they reach capacity. I am screaming at the kids to hurry up, throwing things at my husband to carry and speed walking to the car to beat the rush (knocking a few small kids over on my way out).
And this is just the beginning, we have three full months to go. By the end of summer I will be looking forward to homework and making lunches again and think of it as a welcome break. I think what really has me in a mood this morning is the fact that I never saw June this weekend and still have froggy in my custody. At least I have something to look forward to this weekend.