My husband has decided that he wants to jump out of a perfectly good airplane with some neighbors next week and I am trying to help him get it scheduled. I have to say I am less than impressed with the organization they have chosen and it is causing me some worry. For two days now I have been trying to get someone on the phone and the only person that I can get to answer is the “manager” who keeps telling me that there was a bad storm in the area and the phones are down and he would like to help me but he really can’t “cuz he’s just the manager, ma’am”. What the hell is going on with America? I didn’t call India to schedule this, I called the capital of our great country and I get a moron that has been promoted to manager with no authority to do anything. Seriously, you don’t want to take my credit card number and make some money? No wonder we are in an effing recession and letting countries like China kick our ass. If I had called India to schedule this, they would have gotten my name, date and all the other details wrong, but I can assure you they would have taken my credit card number and had me booked for something!
I already have all sorts or red flags going up and then I think, please tell me the manager doesn’t fly the damn plane. And please tell me he isn’t the one attached to my husband for the jump. All I can picture is my darling husband attached to some half breed and part way down he looks at my husband and says, “Did you ‘member to grab the chute?” I would hate for my husband’s last thoughts to be, “I am going to kill this motherflubber!” I would prefer his final thoughts to include our wonderful daughters smiling at him and me looking like a goddess with a flowing white dress and my hair being windblown from some strategically placed fan, because seriously I need to make this about me somehow.
And while we are on the topic of me, I have all these things to consider now. Is our life insurance paid up? Is it enough? Does it cover things like voluntarily jumping out of a plane? How much weight do I have to lose to get back on the market? I really have to think about that last one, as much as I exercise I know I will never get back to my pre-wedding body and I have constant reminders of that. When the kids aren’t rubbing my belly and asking about another baby, the hamster is taunting me every time it gets on its wheel and runs for an hour , with the ‘squeak, squeak, squeak’ sounding like, ‘fat, fat, fat’.
Back to my husband and skydiving, I am excited for him, it’s his birthday next week and I want him to be able to do things that excite him. I don’t want us to be 70 and wishing we had done all these things and resenting each other or our wonderful children because we didn’t. Both he and his friend (who googles stats as much as he does-geeks) have all sorts of data on how driving a car, riding a horse or snake handling are more dangerous. So I am all for it, now I just got to get someone to pick up the damn phone and want my business. Should be as simple as the guy, excuse me, manager I talked to yesterday.
Here’s to free falling and bad business-cheers!