Today I have chosen to inform my readers about a terrible syndrome that is impacting so many children. My family has been victimized by this disorder since our children could speak and understand us and it has been extremely difficult for my husband and I to cope. Research has revealed that not only is there no cure for this syndrome, but also no charities or support groups dedicated to help us. This villain of our sanity is called Selective Listening Disorder (SLD).
Both of my children suffer from SLD and on my best days it is extremely difficult to stay in control of my emotions and temper. It becomes especially difficult when I am suffering from PMS, lack of sleep or had to wait in line for 15+ minutes at Target. Take this morning for instance, I asked my 5 year old not to play with her hamster while I was busy on the phone with the insurance company. Not only did she get the hamster out of its cage, she came up behind me and put it in my back pocket of my PJ’s, where the hamster quickly pooped several times before I could remove it. When I asked why the hamster was out of the cage and why it was put in my back pocket, she could not answer. SLD takes control of our poor children, rendering them helpless to its power.
Detection is really quite simple. You ask your child to climb down from the piece of furniture that she has made into her own trampoline. Said child ignores your request and continues bouncing around while you repeat yourself several more times. The situation escalates to a point where you have to physically remove the child and when you scream into their face, “Why didn’t you listen to me the first time?” they respond with, “I didn’t hear you.” This response has been studied for years and is now referred to as Indicator A. While some parents have been fooled into believing the child may have an issue with their hearing, true professionals identify this comment immediately and generally move on to such rants as, “I know you heard me the first time, you just chose to ignore me, why don’t you ever listen to me, do you want me to tell your father?” These rants have no impact on SLD and most likely contribute to future instances of, ‘I didn’t hear you’.
I have to say that I am really disappointed in our medical professionals. They have not even given this condition a second glance and when pressed, blame it on poor parenting or offer medication to render them zombies. Do they not have children? Do they not understand that this may be the number one cause of child abuse? I myself have resorted to anxiety medication, mass alcohol consumption and hiding in the closet while breathing into a paper bag.
Let’s unite and try to find a cure before more families are affected. I will be having an SLD support meeting at my house this Friday, Prozac and hard liquor will be served.