I love her, because I have to, and she’s mine. I really do love her, more than life and I think God sent her to me to test me and see if I am worthy. A strong-willed child is a double-edged sword, it makes every day a challenge, but you know that it will serve them well when they are adults. Just this morning, she wakes up and wanders into the office where I am typing and says, “Remember when you got me that Uno game and I didn’t like it? Well, I still don’t, give it away!” What makes this the first thought that comes into her head as she wakes? Further, why does she feel the need to seek me out immediately and tell me what a failure I am?
I don’t like to argue with a five year old. I would rather have a mammogram from a “trainee” after a hard night of drinking, than to have these senseless battles. I still have the picture that she drew of me “being a loser” after we were arguing over which crayon was truly orange. She stomped off and I thought I won, well think again, she left me trying to decide if I should draw a picture back to her or go hide in a closet with a bottle of wine.
Today was crazy hair day at school. Now apparently I need to run for PTA President so I can veto everyone of these dumbass ideas that cause me extra grief. I wasn’t even going to tell her, but the color was still on the sink from my 7 year old and when child #2 sees it she drills me until I cave and tell her. The demands start to unfold, “Give me pony tails (pig tails, but I am not arguing) and make sure there are three!” Me: ? So I start by making 3 pig tails where it seems to make the most sense and she gives me a look of pity as if to say, “You poor dumb women, you really have no clue what you are doing, do you?” Truth is I don’t, I try so hard, but I never get it quite right with her. After more instructions, I get the color out and she tells me to color two blue and one red. I am getting smarter I ask her to point to the correct ones and ask her if I am doing it right as I go. She asks me to paint a little in her bangs and I do, but she meant red, not red and blue, so I messed up again. I carefully try to remove the blue and then get her out of the bathroom. As we are getting her shoes on to catch the bus she sees some drops of the dye on her spirit shirt and it starts all over again. The shirt is red tie dye and it blends in, but to her I have ruined another task. Most days 11:22 cannot get here soon enough, I sit there and wave and smile, because I actually have a few minutes to breath before our next go round.
I think it is especially hard when your first child is so eager to please and can be easily talked into what is right or wrong and can be convinced by mommy or daddy to do whatever needs to be done . The stranger part it that I love them equally and treasure their differences, even when one makes me insane. That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Damn I hope so, cuz this is exhausting!
Have a fantastic Friday and weekend!