Desperately Seeking Paula


How I do miss Simon and Paula.  They both brought a little something special to Idol that is missing this season.  I loved Simon’s brutal honesty and his ability to be himself and not care.  I guess a Billion dollars (or however much money he has) tends to make you feel invincible and bitchy at the same time.  And Paula, oh Paula how I miss you the most.  I looked forward to filling my glass of wine, while watching you spill your “Coke” and your verbal blunders.  My favorite being her telling one of the performers she liked his first song better and Simon had to lean over and tell her it was his first performance.  I was amazed week after week watching her keep it together, just barely, and waiting anxiously for her next remark or elbow slide off the edge of the table.  My ultimate fantasy was to have the camera flash over and catch her in such a deep sleep that you thought for a few seconds she might be dead, but then she wakes suddenly and yells’ “You look so beautiful tonight!”

I do like the new judges, what’s not to like about them?  I adore Steven Tyler and I am happy to have a super star added to the show.  I love his clothing choices and the kooky braids in his hair, I love how he has a paddle to bleep his filthy mouth.  I wish it were pay per view so I could actually hear what he is saying.  I am bored with his lame lounge jokes, as I am not 21 or slutty, and it takes a hell of a lot more to make me laugh.  What I don’t understand is his rocker gone soft commentary.  Does something happen to a male once they are over 60 that cause their balls to shrink so small that they become compulsively optimistic?  Not sure, but I am close to tuning out.  I am not watching this show to see performers get a bunch of merry, fluffy bull-shit, if I want to see that I will take the kids to my parents house and let them sing off key.

I have to be honest, the one thing that keeps me hanging in there is the hope that J Lo will morph into Paula and I will get to see the play by play.  Really she is just one bad marriage or drug experiment away, and I know in my heart it is possible (keeping my fingers crossed)!  She is beautiful and talented and never has a bad thing to say about anyone, what entertainment value does that hold?  I also think she may not have watched Idol EVER before she agreed to do the show.  I don’t know how else you explain the fact that she is so shocked and broken up whenever anyone has to leave the show.   I want so badly to say, “This show has been on for like 10 years, and it is called American Idol – meaning one person wins.  Did you not understand that everyone would get voted off at some point and there would be one winner?”

Randy is pretty steady, other than his poor taste in clothes and shoes.  I really hope he isn’t paying someone to tell him to wear v-neck sweaters with a giant ‘R’ or Dorothy’s shoes from the Wizard of Oz.  I have to wonder if at some point in your career you pay someone and tell them to make you look ridiculous so you get more attention.  I can’t forget the other steady fixture in the show, Ryan.  I cannot wait until he grows up and turns into Dick Clark, I feel like a proud momma just watching him blossom.  There’s really nothing bad I can say about Ryan, as I have been advised that making fun of someone you are considerably larger than is technically bullying.

All that being said, I am going to watch it to the bitter end and I may even try to take my 7 year old to the Idol concert this summer.  I am rooting for James and less than pleased that my daughter told me I am technically old enough to be his mother.  I am technically old enough to be everyone’s mother on the show, including Ryan, I don’t need any reminding.

Happy Thursday,  I am going to go get good and “cinco de mayo’d”  and then tune into Idol results to make inappropriate comments and pretend the real judges are saying them.   Adios for now!

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One response to “Desperately Seeking Paula

  • Dave Orselli

    One of the biggest things I miss about working with you is the lunchtime commentaries on Survivor/Lost/or whatever movie we’d play in a conference room. No holds barred, nothing off limits, and who can ever forget that 1 episode of Deadwood? Keep the blog rolling. It’s great, I love it, and I’m turning people on to it.

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