I just got the reminder that next week is ‘National turn off your television week’. This is one of those things that you are supposed to embrace and use your mind, imagination and good booze to find quality things to do with your children. To me, this is like firing a free babysitter and seems to go against all common sense. I do not want my kids attached to the TV, but I do like the time it gives me to take a shower, finish the laundry or distract them from asking me insane questions while I am trying to think for 2 minutes. I will be one of the bad parents that does allow the TV to be turned on next week, but it is only to keep the little bit of sanity I have left.
I am really more concerned about what my kids are watching. I am not sure what rocket scientist at Nickelodeon decided it would be a good idea to have special guests like Snoop Dogg or Russell Brand on their hit shows. Wasn’t Snoop Dogg linked to a drive-by shooting, arrested for cocaine possession and portrayed as the rapper whose lyrics have instigated violence? Russell Brand is a recovering heroin and alcohol addict who (according to Google) shoved a Barbie up his rectum. Who’s next Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson or maybe Gary Busey? There are some guys I would love to have my kids imitate or admire. Maybe Charlie can star on iCarly as her estranged brother and show up to go on a verbal rampage on her web show while hitting on her and Sam. These shows are of concern, but at least I can rely on Nick Jr, right?
Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! I think if someone took a CAT scan of my brain while one of these shows was on, you could actually see the hemorrhage taking place in my head and the reduction of my strongest brain cells. I think the most irritating show is Max & Ruby. What a bossy little bitch and what a pain in the ass kid. Does anyone know where the parents are and why these two are left to supervise themselves with the occasional drop in from grandma bunny? My theory is that mommy bunny is a crack whore and the daddy bunny is in the bunny big house for larceny and dealing meth and they figure the kids would have a better chance raising themselves. Even my kids ask me where the bunny parents are and why Ruby gets to be boss all the time.
And what the heck is Yo Gabba Gabba? My guess is that this is what the writers came up with after dropping acid and going on a 36 hour bender. These characters names are as ridiculous as their appearance: Muno, Foofa, Brobee, Plex and Toodee. All I can think is that if you say these words enough times in a row you can cast a spell or evoke civil unrest.
For those of you good parents that will play along and turn off your TV next week, I will not be among you. If you need to know who got voted off DWTS, who’s left on Idol or which NHL team is in the lead give me a jingle. I will be using the television as a necessary distraction whenever I know it will give me 5 minutes of quiet or keep me from going on violent rampage.
Have a fantabulous Monday!