Non-Technically Speaking

To say that I am technically challenged is an under-statement.  I can use a computer, I can program simple appliances and move pictures from my digital camera to the computer, but that’s about it.  I would love to be more technical than I am, but it makes me dizzy.  The fact that I got this blog up and running myself is nothing short of a miracle and I have already made arrangements for it to be chiseled onto my gravestone.  “Here Lies Lynette, created her own blog even though she is a technical retard.”

Of course I married a techie guy who gets it all and is most likely secretly frustrated when I ask him for the 750th time how the Internet really works.  I would love to understand what he is saying to me about his day at work, but after about two sentences the words drop off and I start time traveling.  It starts off simple, “How was your day?”  He responds, “Fine, we were really busy with the project (he still has me at this point) but then the server crashed (ok he means a piece of equipment not the waiter at the restaurant, right?) and then there were bits and bytes and processors and cache and RAM” (and I am off time traveling to the 60’s prior to the crazy technology wave).  I come back just in time for him to say, “We got it under control and now everyone will still get their paychecks this week”.

Recently he talked me into getting a new phone, he thought my rotary dial cell phone was a bit 1990 and it was time for an upgrade.   I didn’t just get a new phone, I got a super computer that poses as a phone.  I feel duped.  It is very cool I have to admit, but I actually use about 10% of the phones total capacity.  It’s similar to a surgeon having a bunch of state of the art instruments but opting to use an XACTO  knife.   This phone has voice recognition which I originally thought was brilliant.  I speak your name and it pops up, I hit the microphone icon and speak my message and it pops up perfectly.  Well not exactly, I am a bit of a fast talker so thinking the phone couldn’t make mistakes I didn’t bother to proofread my messages before I hit send.  The last one I sent was supposed to say, “Get some rest and I will see you tomorrow” but instead I sent, “I will have breast cancer tomorrow.”   Imagine getting that message from me, my roofing contractor thought I was making a pass at him.

The size of the phone is a bit obnoxious as well.  My previous phone could easily fit into a pocket so I could take it with me anywhere.  This phone is way too wide for a pocket and is essentially the equivalent of carrying the microwave around with me.  I am just waiting for someone to hand me a package of microwave popcorn and see their disappointment when I explain this is really just a phone.  Speaking of microwaves, I am wondering just how much radiation is emitted from this new phone and how soon it will be before I do send out the breast cancer text?  YIKES!!!

I’ll end today’s bliss with a techie quote, “A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila”.


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