Glutton for Punishment

I am on food overload.   I don’t know what it is about the holidays, but I was on the Good Friday to Easter bender and now all that walking, weight lifting and vomiting after meals for the previous 6 weeks feels like a waste.  I am almost ashamed to tell you that last Saturday night after having a six pack plus I don’t know how many more beers with our neighbors I actually came in and tried to cook the Easter ham at 10:00PM.  On Sunday morning my husband asked why the netting and the foil from the ham was in the garbage and I mumbled something about drunken munchies and left the room.

I say almost ashamed, because I know many of you that are reading this and I am certain you have done the same thing at some point.  Whether it be an Easter ham, a turkey or full breakfast at midnight you have done it or thought about it.  I have a friend that went home after bowling one night and put a 6 pound roast in the crock pot at 11:00PM and passed out.  His wife had no clue until the next morning when she found it cooking for about 11 hours.  She secretly told me it was the best pot roast ever, but she wasn’t going to tell her dumb ass husband this because she wanted him to think about having the crock pot on overnight and was worried next time he might put something on the stove and go to bed.

I don’t know what happened to America we used to be lean and competitive and now we are chunky and dependent on third world countries to make shit for us.  I can only imagine that when the US officials are meeting about what to do next in the Middle East, they have a full staff running to get fast food every 30 minutes.   We need to make some serious decisions here about the situation; does anyone have any onion ring sauce?

I think the amazing part about American’s eating habits is that we are always trying to figure out how to make the food bigger or better.  You can be eating a double cheeseburger with bacon, mayo, onions, lettuce, tomato, avocado and a fried egg on top and after the second bite you think, “Gosh is this good, but do you know what would make it better?  A pound of roast beef on top of the egg”.  Laugh if you will, but you know some of you will actually go through an Arby’s drive-thru today on your way to Red Robin and when no-one is looking you are going to pull out that roast beef and slap it on your Royal Red Robin!

Well, it’s almost 8:00AM and I haven’t eaten in like 15 hours, which means I am almost starving to death by American standards.   I am proud to be an American; home of the free, the brave and the bloated.

Have a fantastic day!


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