%^&*#@ English?


I love northern Virginia, I love South Riding, I love my community, I love my street, I love my neighbors, I just love where we live.  It is a wonderful place to live and a terrific place to raise a family and make great friends.  The schools are wonderful, shopping is conveniently located in our compound and if I dressed better I might be confused with a Stepford wife.

 

There is one drawback of living in northern Virginia and that is communication barrier that exists between us.  Now, this is not a stereotype situation and I would never consider myself intolerant to other races.  BUT, I do want to be able to drive thru a McDonald’s and place an order that doesn’t get effed up.  Further, I don’t want the suggestion of, “Would you like to try a Big Mac” to sound just like, “Wow, you have a nice rack”.  It’s confusing and complimentary all at the same time (I do make a deposit in my positive self esteem account when this happens).  When I say, “I want two Happy Meals for GIRLS”, three times, and I still get the Batman toy I want to drive my van right through the front door.

The other day I was at the nail salon and the owner looks up as I walk in and says, “Help You?”  I point to my feet and say loudly, “I want a ped-i-cure”, as if pointing to my feet, saying it loudly and enunciating my speech like a first grade teacher will clarify any confusion between us.  So without missing a beat from her current nail fill, she yells something that sounds like war has been declared and a voice from the back says, “What?”  Nothing happens and she yells the same war cry again.  Still nothing.  She yells it a third time and when the voice says, “What?” she says “Jesus Christ – you not understand our language?  You have a pedicure to do, get your ass out here!”  I laughed so hard I was almost crying and she just looks at me and shrugs and goes back to filling her client’s nails.

 

Organizing play dates has become a full time job.  When my daughter says she wants a play date with Haima or Sriya, I just start thinking about how I am even going to look the parents up in the school listing.  “Ok, what is Haima’s last name?”  When she tells me all I hear is about 15 vowels together and a very noticeable lack of consonants.   I felt relieved when I ran into Haima’s mom at a birthday party and after she asked my name a couple of times, she handed me a piece of paper and told me to write it down for her.  Thank goodness, it is not just me!  After the play date at Haima’s house, I inquired as to how it went and was told, “Great, I didn’t understand her mom and Haima had to translate”.  I said Haima’s mom speaks English” and she said, “Not our English!”

 

Nothing is ever easy, you got to work for your bliss!

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5 responses to “%^&*#@ English?

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