I hate exercise, I despise how it takes up ME time, like sitting on my rear watching Netflix or taking a well deserved nap.  I should be honest, I like how I feel once I have exercised, it’s the whole leading up to the exercise that gets me.  Should I do it?  Do I have time?  Will I be interrupted (this is a given, YES I will be interrupted)?  Should I be cleaning the house instead of exercising?  How many calories did I really eat today and how many do I have to burn?  How many calories in a Big Mac, medium fry (ok large) and a diet coke?

I also get irritated by the people that LOVE to exercise and LOVE to tell you all about it.  It is like a vacation or really good sex to them, and to me it is plain old work.  I am unemployed and if I am not going to get paid to do something, it spoils it a bit for me.  It is wonderful to be in great shape and I envy you bastards, but really look at me, does my face say keep talking about that marathon you just ran or how you have exercised every day for the past 4 years?

That said, I have been exercising quite a bit.  Yes, because I want to lose weight, but mostly because I need to get my cholesterol under control without meds.  Now I generally walk, but yesterday I actually thought going on a 10 mile bike ride would be a great idea.  I did enjoy it while I was doing it, but when you haven’t done something in a long time, it might be a smarter idea to start with say 3 miles and work your way up to 10.  This morning when I stepped out of bed I actually had to think for a minute where I had been the night before and how I got gang raped.  My “special area” was so sore from being pressed against that tiny bike seat for 10 miles it was like I had given birth.

So I will continue to exercise, but the only time I am going to talk about it is when I have something funny to say about it.  By the way, I should probably apologize to the resident whose sprinkler hose got caught on my bike pedal and was dragged until it actually pulled me off of my bike.  I have no idea who it belonged to or what yard it should have been in and I didn’t try to figure it out.  I just untangled it and tossed it in the yard where I was standing and figured let the kids take the blame for it.

Happy Tuesday, hope it’s full of bliss!


4 responses to “Exer-sucks

  • deb

    I love you lynette

  • Dave Orselli

    Your “turn of the word” is priceless. You’ve always been fit, and this story made me remember the infamous “Saginaw Street Incident” outside of Subway. It’s the price you pay for having a hard body.

  • sally hogan

    i too underappreciate the women (and men) who get a “kick” out of working out. i talk a good game with myself, but myself usually says back…”don’t bother with the sneakers, just go directly to mcdonald’s”.

    keep it up sister, you had me in stitches today.

  • connie

    You are one hell of a girl and an unbelievable writer. I am enjoying these blogs and missing you while reading them. Hugs and kisses to you and Brian (and the girls!) xoxo

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